You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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