I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize