I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
