the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize