Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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