im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
