Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
