I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
