I wish I could teleport
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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