My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
