We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
