i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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