Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
