I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
