The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize