do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize