There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
