You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
