Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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