i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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