Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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