I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
