pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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