I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
