it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
