forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
