I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Be still, my beating vagina.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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