Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
