Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
