I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
