32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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