there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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