So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
