alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
