i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Someone shit on the floor
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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