Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Randomize
