He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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