Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
