uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
