So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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