You just made me feel so damn special
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
