are you still at the devil's house?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
