oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
