is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
