Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
