this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
