Little spoons don't ask big questions
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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