i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
