I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
