i permit you to call me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
