The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
