i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize