Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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