stop calling my apartment porn island.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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