i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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