well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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