it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
