is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
