im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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