She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
