last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
