Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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