i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize