12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
