First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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